break me please

Oh my darling

you love me so well

while You give me heaven

i give You hell

and 

this tug o' war game

has had me so tired

for some time now

But

thank You for enduring

it keeps You winning

and that doesn't bother me

any

really

because

if i'm winning

then 

i'm losing

and still better off

eventually

and

while i'm pushing

You're pulling

picking up this intentional 

slacking

and here i am

some sort of "man"

and

what am i to think of myself

as a man

who rejects

my lovers help

if unable to accept this

perfectly imperfect love

how will i ever

receive the love of the perfect ONE

three in ONE

that's how much he loves me

he became three

to take care of miserable me

i cannot handle the imperfect love 

of one

let alone three perfect ones

i don't want your love

i can't accept

i can't take it

because

i know that i

am not

worthy

of it

please 

teach me 

to be willing

i need it

even if 

beyond my understanding

break me

please

it takes two to seesaw

What in the world 

do you want from me?

To speak softly

some sort of words

that are soothing

like a melody?

I refuse to feed you

these requested booze

because you will 

become drunk

on my forgery.

A sweet melody

is not

how it should be

Because if I sugar coat

my words

you'll just become

spiritually obese

and if I love you

and

I'm pretty sure I do

then that is something

I do not want for you.

or even from you.

They say to speak 

the truth 

in love

but they still don't wanna hear it

truth is truth

no matter how you say it

and yeah it's hard to hear

about how much we suck

at times

but we need to hear

those words that we fear

they make us scared 

because we don't want to 

face up to it

and

you my friends

are my only mirror

to how I speak socially

and the only ones

who can save me from me

so give it to me straight 

and

give it to me clean

because that's the only way

that I wanna hear it

and the only way

that I can 

Respect it

I need it from you

daily and Weekly

to put me in my place

so I may make you

my temporary enemy

and yes I know

this manner of speaking

can make one quite lonely

at times

but it works beautifully

when done respectfully

equally

and please understand

this manner of speaking

is not just one of negativity

but also one of spiritual uplifting

yes

we need beat each other

to make us stronger

but we also need

that heavy artillery

of words that bring

the thought of us

as comforting

and 

yes I know

that this is a seesaw act

and 

it takes two 

to play that game

while one is up

the other is down

and so it goes

again

back and forth

but it takes the balance

of 

love and respect

to bring

the other back up again

And I pray

OH GOD I pray

that there is someone out there

who understands

this

seesaw meaning

and that you 

would be a friend to me